the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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