You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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