I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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