I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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