...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
