a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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