not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
