we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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