happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
