Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
