Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
