I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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