Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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