he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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