Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
