Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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