mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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