i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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