I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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