it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
ttyl tear gas
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
