It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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