is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i now understand why vodka
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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