Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
