I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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