Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
