I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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