Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I supernannyed him into submission
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
