I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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