Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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