Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
