i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hippo gnu deer
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
