i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
