If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
