i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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