we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
