But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
