He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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