Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
