Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
