Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
