i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
