i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
