So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
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i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
this will be a night to untag.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
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please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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