I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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