how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
