just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
