he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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