that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
