It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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