it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
