How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Two words: blizzard sex
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Enjoy the penises
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
