when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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