My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
