I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
