She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize