90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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