Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
