He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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