Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
