it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
