guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
