I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
