halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
