Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
a search helicopter?!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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