Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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