I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
