I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I love you.
Bad choice
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