I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
