Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
