I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
