whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
farters have to be the big spoon...
is wine microwaveable?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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