its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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