Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
