Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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