i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
