we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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